UnorthodoxY Archive It's wasn't what you thought

At the beginning of this year I resolved to do something about my bathroom.

For some reason it has a fake wooden ceiling — I had a sneaking suspicion that it might be hiding some dubious wiring that be the cause of the some lighting problems in the flat.

Anyroads, it was time for the fake ceiling to be removed, I may as well get rid of the water tank too and get the wiring all checked and fixed. So, that’s plumbing, wiring, joinery and probably tiling, painting and plastering too. Time to get a ‘all trades’ company to do this. I phoned three and arranged for them to come have a look.

Only Aspray actually bothered to turn up. I forget who the other two were.

When I pointed out some water damage on a wall the man from Aspray said that that was clearly caused by a leak and this was (at least partly) ‘an insurance job’. Excellent. He waffled on about getting the insurance company to cover all sort of things (tiling, painting, alternative accommodation etc) and said that they’ll “do it all for me”. Wonderful.

Or not.

That was on the 10th on January. Five months ago.

Since then they’ve managed to remove some of the fake ceiling to reveal a very obvious hole in the real ceiling.

And beside that they’ve achieved exactly sod all.

During this time they’ve rarely returned my phone calls, I typically had to call four or five times to get hold of someone. We did get as far as arranging a loss adjuster visit but I had to cancel it at the short notice — this seems to have annoyed them as after that it became impossible to get hold of anyone.

Eventually I wrote to them and a new guy got back to me saying that the dude handling my claim was off work and that “someone should have informed me of this”. Ya think? But not to worry he’d sort it all out.

After two weeks with no contact I write to them again to remind them.

After two more weeks with still no contact. I start phoning again. I leave messages which are never returned.

After a week of this I happen to phone on a bank holiday, and no one is in the office so I’m forwarded to the mobile of the guy originally handling the case. He’s still off work. But he’ll get in touch with new guy and get it sorted. He’ll make sure I’m called back.

After a couple of days I phone again, explain that no one is returning my calls and am given the mobile number of the new guy. It doesn’t work. It’s missing a digit. I call back and explain this. They don’t have another number so I’m promised a call back.

After a day I call again and explain. They give me same mobile number again, nice of them to note not to give out that number. I explain this and they promise a call back.

After a day I call again and ask for an e-mail address and I send an e-mail to both the contact address and the main office address giving them five days to respond. I get an e-mail bounce from the address I was given but the office one goes through.

After five days I give up (you can see I’m fairly patient) and I tell my insurance company they’re not working for me. I send Aspray a letter informing them they’ve no longer working for me. That’s that.

Five months wasted. At the time I assumed they were just incompetent, overworked and badly organised. Writing this I’m wondering if the fake number and bad e-mail were part of a deliberate ploy to avoid customers they don’t want to deal with? Regardless of whether they’re deeply inept or malicious I would never ever use them and I would strongly recommend against anyone else using them. Which is pretty much what this entry does, feel free to pass it along to those who might need to know.

I wouldn’t hold them in such contempt if they’ve just admitted at any point (even right at the end) that they couldn’t do the work and that I’d need to find someone else. All they needed to do was to return any of my calls, letters or e-mails over the last five months.

But they didn’t.

That, my friends, is why Aspray Suck!

From the “thinking well outside the box” file. Or maybe not far enough outside …

University’s in the states are increasingly offering alumni burial plots or vaults for urns on campus.

“People look back on their college years and say, ‘Those were the best days of my life,’ ” Malkoff said. “Why not spend eternity there?”

Do they? Hell, I enjoyed Uni as much as the next person but I don’t really want to be buried there.

Some people spend half their life at the same job, maybe employers should start offering plots. Or putting urns with the ashes of past managers in the canteen. Although it’s just going to eventually lead to someone trying to make coffee with them.

Maybe pubs could get in on it, finding a permanent spot for their regulars after they’ve supped their last.

Everyone could start doing it, there might be a bidding war for really sought after spots.

Still, it’s making the universities some money and if people want to spend their cash on it I can’t see anything wrong with. Maybe I’m just a bit peeved I didn’t think of it first.

How’s my new years resolution coming along …

People Visited: 18 (4) [May: 15/2]
Places Visited: 8 (2) [May: 7/2]
Countries Visited: 6 (2) [May: 6/2]

I’ve caught up with a few more people but that’s about it. Next month marks the half way point.

See the January post for the details and the rules.